My funeral by a deranged person

Recently I was at a funeral and could not help but think what I would want.  As we know, I am not normal so why have a normal funeral!

 First instead of a boring coffin, I want to be posed in a chair giving the thumbs up.  I will be in a photo booth and people can come get there photos of me.  There can be costumes left out in case people want to dress up for there photos.  After all, who did not like the movie weekend at Bernie’s!

Second, my husband is to stuff my coffin full of junk food.  He has agreed to this if im under 200lbs when I die…. Little does he know my friend has offered to cut off limbs to make sure this happens? 

Thirdly, I want the funeral precession to go through the McDonalds drive through and get Big Macs.  I mean with all that grief they will be having Mack Attacks. 

Fourthly, I want Ronald McDonald to play the bagpipes as I am lowered into the ground playing ghost busters!  How awesome would at be?

While here is hoping it is not for a while but this is life and no one comes out alive!

Permethaus a movie review

Wow was this movie slow and boring.  It may have just been my ADD and ADHD but I had time to braid ¾’s of my hair in tiny braids.  It was just so slow and  boring.  If I was a director I could have cut half the movie out.

Another problem I had with the movie was the female hero in the movie looked too much like the evil aliens!  I do not think this was done on purpose but she looked so much like them that I thought if she shaved her head, she would be one. 

Also, what is with all these SCFI aliens lately?  All the aliens look like vaginas!  I am the first to admit that vaginas are not the prettiest things but they don’t look like aliens.  This can also be seen in “The Thing”.  I do enjoy how people always get eaten by one.

In conclusion, I would not waste my time seeing it!  I would rather have a pap smear then watch this movie again. 

Once upon a time

How it started was with routine pap smears that kept coming back abnormal.  Being young and not sexually active, the doctor and I kept ignoring them after all there was no family history; I was STD free and negative for HPV.   By the time, I went to see the gynecologist I had advanced cancerous cells.

My first LEEP (loop electrical excision) they took 1cm by 2cm.  The second was 1cm by 1cm.  With multiple cone biopsies through out.  Finally we were successful and I was declaired cancer free. 

Then the problems started.  I would have a build up pelvic pressure and then WOOSH gushes of blood overflowing pads and so on.  I saw my gynocoligist and he kept telling me that it was just a period and that I would have pain and no matter how I exsplained it he did not believe me.   During one of theses, episodes I had ultrasounds done at the hospital still the doctor did not believe me. 

Therefore, I went to the fertility clinic and low and behold, I had no cervics due to a build up of scar tissue.  I had to have surgery and one was created.  After a few weeks that too closed and back to the OR.   This time I had to go for by weekly stretching for 4 months, then every three months, then every 6 months. 

I now have a somewhat functioning cervics and have the worries that if I get pregnant can I carry it?